2010...Before it Hit and After the Hit

We are now in the year 2010...its been 5 months now since the year 2010 began...and boy oh boy have i got loads to say....

Again i've learnt and lost....i gained and survived another year which was filled with nothing more then challenge after challenge...but with that challenge came a hand full of lessons and wise outcomes and answers on how i could become clueless no more...The lessons that i learnt was very significant...for instance....TRUST NO ONE OTHER THAN YOURSELF...NOTHING IS OFFICIAL UNTIL IT IS BEEN PROVED OFFICIAL...even black and white cannot be trusted....another lesson would be FAMILY BEFORE LOVE...and BE TRUE TO WHO YOU ARE WITHOUT GIVING A DAMN ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK...This is what i can give you my dear clueless people and to myself for that matter....

I took a brave step in trying something that is very new to me...and for that my dream has finally been realised...I never expected it to happen but it did...and now im pursuing something I've always wanted since i was a small kid...I'm making my family proud...though Its hard i must say to live away from my dearest Mum....but sacrifices have to be made....in order to obtain success....With this new experience i also gained new frends....new family....new lessons...that not only helped me but made me feel ME again...yeah Im still clueless but witout their support and the support of my FAMILY and my BESTIES...i wouldnt be where i am today....

So here I am, sitting at a desktop, infront of the screen...typing out the beginning of a new chapter in my life....Clueless Nigriv welcomes 2010 with open arms....

Gone With the Wind of Maturity

Im a chick who holds to the saying that Laughter IS the best medicine...I like to see people smile..i'll embarass myself just to make sumone's day....I make jokes...laugh for no apparent reason just to see a person smile....no matter how lousy i feel...Smiles on a person's face changes my whole perspective on that particular day....its like i feel im responsible to bring smiles to the people i love no matter how much of hurt i feel...thats just who i am...so acting kiddish and immature at times is just something that gets applied to or associated to me....which is why I'm telling you this story today...the day i change...

I'm tired of people thinking me immature and kiddish...its like everyone around me does not take me serious no more...after i stopped work..i loosened up...i felt at ease...but i guess i let my guard down and didnt control that certain ease of mine....and i just went crazy...which was wrong of me since apparently im leaving quite a very immature impression to people...which cant be blamed coz it was basically my fault in the first place to begin with...i let it happen...

Doesnt mean Im not working now i dun know whats life....i was working for crying out loud...many ppl would not agree with me that working life is awesome...but thats how i felt...i felt working changed my whole perspective of life...taht you gota earn for what you do in your everyday activity....there is no such thing as free stuff....there is always deception and survival of the fittest....doesnt mean if im in college now i have forgotten about all those lessons that i have learnt...I'm young...yes and ive got loads to learn...but that doesnt mean you got the right to labelize me as inexperience...im a 'Work in Progress'...so dun judge me for being imperfect....

When it comes to relationships..i must admit im no fool when it comes to the game of love...I've loved, I've lost and I've learnt...I know when im being played...i know when one is afraid to take risk and i know when one is Trully Madly Deeply...I am who i am today because of what i've learnt from my past experience...doesnt mean if i go back once in awhile to childhood stage im totalli kiddish...this is me trying to dream a bit after facing a hard reality....is that so bad???

So what am i gonna do now you ask??? Im gonna be that matured, knowledgeble chick that i noe i am but just havent shown it much....why? Because its about time i do sumthing with my life...im done with all the 'What ifs'....i wan something concrete in my life...i know my goals and what i wanna be...no more distractions, sidetracks....its just gonna be gone with the wind of MATURITY!!!!

The Crossroads....

In life we come up across certain decision making that makes us dumbfounded, confused, afraid just about anything negative that one can think off...its either we do this...or we do that...choose this or choose that...leaving us in a state of numbness on what to decided next...this is what we call CROSSROADS...where everything connects to each other but only one road can be taken...and you know whats the worst part? Once taken..Turning back is not an option...wether it was good decision or not...you have to face what comes up next....

I for one...never like Crossroads...a most frowned upon situation especially for a clueless person like me could ever face...as it is I'm still learning how to walk on my own two feet...then here comes a challenge which must be faced wether i like it or not EVENTUALLY....this is how it goes...i get to the crossroads...i stand right in the middle of it....i look left...i look right...i look to the front and then to the back...i tip top to get a better more farther view...to see wether i could get a glimpse of whats in store for me....but being stunted as i am...its not realli possible to do so...in a matter of speaking....then I close my eyes...think what should be done...RIGHT....i follow what my 'heart' tells me...and then i open my eyes...and take the road that i chose to be 'greener and less trodden'....a good decision? a bad one? well it all depends on wether i used my brain...my heart or just a clueless 'what the hell' guess....

So what does a person do??? What am i to do? Avoid risk and just live a flat life line...with no ups and downs??? Or do i live life with heartbreaks and heartfelts...with happiness and sadness...love and drama...comedy and thriller...friends and enemies??? Lol...i guess i gave the answer to my own question...don't you think??? :-)

For now im taking the road where I'm a lady learnin to be a woman!!! A Sexy B.I.T.C.H!!!!!

A Vacation...

You know what...uploading pictures is a very easy task....but writing out what one's heart wants to say is not as easy as it appears to be...The vacation that my german bro and his chick had in my land, my country...Malaysia was one of the best times of my life....We had laughter, fun, drama, everything we would ever want....AWESOME!!!! I basically have no words to describe the awesome vacation...we went clubbing..we got stoned...we went sight seeing....we went eating..we went COFFEE BEANING....we went shopping....haiz...i miss my bro...i miss my new found frend Sylvin...but i had an awesome time!!!! just AWESOME!!!!

If i could

Have you ever for just a moment thought about one particular event where you would wanna rewind and make sure it NEVER EVER HAPPENS??? Of coz you cant be able to go back in time like how Harry and Hermione did to save Sirius Black and Buckweed....but just think....IF ONLY you could...which moment would you choose???

I was in Genting just recently....one of the most coolest places you could go to....hated it coz i wasnt with my special sumone like the rest of them...loved it coz i spent time with my bro and his gf from Germany....we had fun....screamed like mad...and everything...here i was feeling happy a bit and but not contented...so yeah i was feeling a bit down in the dumps...and then sumthing came and made me feel even more pardon my jargon but FCUKED UP!!!! Not onli was it embarassing....humiliating but it was dissapointing and upsetting...and i must say...its worse then a heartbreak...Nono...i aint talking about me breaking up or being disspointed with that special someone....this has nothing to do with LOVE....rather to FRIENDSHIP....

If i could turn back time....it would be to a certain particular moment...where everyting remained the same...just neutral....then maybe i won't be feeling so fuied up about this....

However....i do thank God for the people that seem to be permanent in my life...no matter what....there's the Shopaholic...the Coffeeholic...Big Lil' Bro...Big Lil' Sis...Swiss Jakuns...Flat Azz MoNkey....The Mummy ( gretty) and Big Bro...not forgetting CB...lol....but hey...thats just it...once you break a person's heart...you'll never get to piece it back togther....like how Mr. Darcy says it "my good opinion once lost....is lost forever..."

Depression leads to WINDOW SHOPPING

When life takes you down...and all you are faced with is confusion, illusions and depression...all you need is couple of close friends...an early start of the day with sinful pork mee...a chic flick and oh yeah the main order of the day...SHOPPING...no better yet...WINDOW SHOPPING....

This is what happens when you put frends who have been together for like FOREVER...one is aimless after finally non officially graduated....one who works out and is a hermit whenever she isnt doing assignments....and one who is rumoured to be jobless soon but is still a SHOPHOLIC...

Here we are at the prime of our lifes...in a DRESSING ROOM....lol....but to tell you the truth...I wasn't depress that day....what made me depress was not being able to get this dress that i fell in love with at first FIT....you would have to if you wore it too...Just look at the simplicity and innocence of it....haiz....i was soo looking forward to it...until i saw the price...god damn it...it broke my heart!!!!




Haiz...all in all...Ryan Reynolds was cute in 'The Proposal'....the movie would have been better if it was me that he was kissing and not Sandra Bullock...although FlaT aZz would still be No.1 in my list la...lol...anywho...it was a good day...tiring...but girly...

To Change or not to change???

You know when you're in a relationship....you try to change...you compromise just to make sure you're making your present partner be satisfied and happy to be with you....He or she would be proud to call you his/her partner and intro you to all their friends and if you're realli committed to their respective parents....

But what happens when all the sudden...things change...relationship changes...you're not as special as you thought you were...you realise that maybe the chase was all that mattered to them and you're getting boring??? WHat do you do then? Do you change or stay the way you are???

I tried it....i changed a lot for a guy....thought he'd want me even more if i were more feminine...more outgoing...more gila or something.....calls that were frequent became a rare thing....conversations were based on smses....dates were replace with working schdules....laughter became tears and madness....i keep asking myself why???? Why the sudden effect??? And then i find out....the old me was what he wanted all along...that he didnt like the new me...maybe coz it was too intimidating...i'll never know....

So where do i stand now you ask me??? What do i gota do to salvage this already crooked and complicated situation....COMPROMISE according to MY LIFE and how i want it to be....I gotta stop changing myself just coz someone else who's not realli sure yet wether he wants me in his life for a long time....