It Beginz....

So here i am...blur as i am a 5am in the morning thinking of what to do....you might be wondering...what the hell is she still doin up? or she got not other work to do is it? well...honestly...im clueless...i was actualli browsing through all the facebook pages of my friends....yeah...for once i was actualli browsing....so there i was sitting at the computer table...with a drink at the left side...and my phones on the right side...so far no msgs...no phone calls...just silence...which is not at all good for a clueless gal like me...

Recently I've been pondering and contemplating on how my life has been....things have been surprisingly shocking...things you don't expect to happen...Happens....things you don't wanna see end...Ends...and things you want to begin...Begins but doesn't come out the way you plan it to be....You hope...you expect...but when it appears...its not what you want or how you want it to be...'EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED" my dad's favourite saying....actually one of my dad's favourite sayings...hell he's got loads to tell...why you think i still have a curfew?!!!

A friend of mine gave me a shocking revelation...or whatever you call it...this friend of mine told me....that i was a nice gal...but the problem is....i want everything....the way it was said...was like a slap to my face....a realization shall we say...It's true you know...before this I've been greedy....i wanted everything...I didn't care about anyone else...I didn't quite care about other people's thoughts...feelings...jack....All i cared about was how to satisfy my thirst...my wants...my needs...I still have the thought of not wanting to have "WHAT IF'....I'm always afraid of the outcome of what might happen....wether I'm gonna lose a friendship....wether I'm gonna lose the love of my life...wether I'm gonna lose someting valuable...

I admire the people who take up the challenge...of LIFE....they took up the challenge...embraced it....faced it and god damn it...they conquered it....Now im feeling the drive alright...the urge to move on with life....to face obstacles like a man (in a figurative speech that is) and conquer that damn problem that I've been pondering about....

Finally i found something that really touched my heart....it was in front of me all along but i never really saw it coming....now im so afraid of losing it...that i dare not even touch it...But something bad happened to it...and it lost its glow...im not sure wether im allowed to touch, feel or even keep it for my own and no one else's....I'm afraid that it might just drop and roll far away from me...never to be seen or touched again...it almost happened once...and i never want it to happen again....

My friend was right....that i wanted everything....but what my friend don't know wasthat was the me before....the me that i am today...knows what she wants...she doesn't want everything....She just wants that precious stone...that happened to be lying around right in front of her....

So as these clueless journey begins...let us all hope this nigriv will choose the right path rather than the wrong one....but knowing her... she's bound to make funny decisions...which makes this a clueless beginning of a clueless ending....